I'm not sure what to type about today. I'm pretty unnerved, vulnerable. Running away from what I think is the answer, that there are supernatural beings that interact with us, for our good or bad. I don't know how to square it with the pain and misunderstanding I felt when Christians and people of other faiths told me that my PTSD like symptoms was a spiritual problem and needed to be rectified spiritually.

It scares me, it scares me that from trying to calm myself down in the little things that life is out if control, suddenly another huge other existence has opened in which I'm not in control, but a conduit. The tarnish and dullness I suddenly feel about human existence, as a human, by myself, One. The purring cat, the bright colours, fashion, zoopharmacology.

I am scared of others reactions, of being without shelter and having to rely constantly on others kindness, human or divine. How I long to hear about safety other than those endless instructions about "waiting on God" or "trusting Him"

I don't know why this fear about not having public transport under my control

The scariest thing, about how self absorbed this post is, and how I'm starting not to care.

I guess it would be snotty for me to introduce this blog by saying that its my personal belief that I experience and share pictures and words in my head for people I don't even know and that they come from God. But that's what happens here. And most of the time I run away from it anyhow.

Jesus is the most awkward, independent, highly creative and embarrassing Individual I have ever met. I think people would also use those words to describe me but I have been well and truly been outclassed. I think He would say that we have alot more in common than we realise but currently I only see that we cry alot.