I think punishment is coming. I don't want to phone Matthew I don't think he likes me or wants my call. Were having an argument about having an argument. Is these two sentences enough? Ok so maybe punishment isnt coming. Each time I talk with him he closes up a bit more.

 I remember the excitement of this. I met Christine today and we talked a bit about journaling. I was so good at this it feels bad to be a beginner again and its so stupid. He's offering you what you really want and some people he is instructing to be a martyr. When I have this I have all I want.