I let my Parent down today...not in a way that was cool and rebellious but I was simply afraid. A women sitting on a bench in a park with her dog with a walking cane by her side. I petted the dog so I had something other to say other then 'I think Jesus-who-only-I-can-see would like me to ask Him to make your leg better'. Then I walked away. Shuffled mostly, I oscillate between an extroverted energy and a body shut-down.

Now I'm skulking in my room, my real safe place, concrete, touchable and more the moment unchangeable. My mood is low and I'm already ruminating on the challenges of tomorrow, the day after that. I've lost contact after yesterday, the discussion between me and A where there was not two anymore but three, or One? The tears coming to my eyes after it was time to be on my own and face the train and its passengers alone. The brief cradling with the insomnia meditation, it was easier to close my eyes but now its morning and they have to open.