Again, not sure what to post, its probably just a mini rant about how I feel pressure to always give a good report about this relationship so that He can have it with others, but I don't feel like that so I'll just keep quiet.

Probably that I feel really angry but I cant get to it. If I had carried on like I used to I would allow the anger but now I cant shake the feeling that the heart is above all deceitful.

It stays with me, how I'm crushing my best friend-not that we're close but he has acted like a best friend anyway. If you say that you love someone why wouldn't you allow their say? I'm afraid of being overwhelmed, I picture it like a scouring, the light/dark clean/unclean of my childhood.

Was it? Was it deception? I flip from victim to guilty and back again, I only know that something happened. I had feelings and reactions, sensations that i could not describe and now feel adrift from.