Just watched I kissed dating goodbye documentary. How much I feel like bolting when there is any emotional intensity asked from me/of me. You cant date because it will go too far then not enough..how marriage is going to be this thing building up then a letdown.

Most of all I'm afraid of teaching, I'm afraid of writing down that little word, even. Teaching implies that you know what you're doing with the text. Im barely responding. The text says "your heart is deceitful, above all else" The truth of the matter is that I have a belief that there is going to be an apocalyptical level response from God soon somewhere in the world, or else its already here and we don't see it...I have the belief and its backed up by tales of cities being levelled to the ground and children dashed against rocks. So I curl up in my bed not wanting to go outside (really I am so SO gifted and favoured to not be working) fantasising and pulling my hair and m. and then Jesus is there and I DONT GET IT.